I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
