Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
