ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize