Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
