NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize