Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
