Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
