i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
