I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
