They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
