So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
