Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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