Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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