dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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