if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
