I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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