Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
