he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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