I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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