last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
