I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
