Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
