You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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