so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
