I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
