we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
