You can't special order awesome
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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