Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
