worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
