i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
