is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
