never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
