My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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