He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
