my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
