The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
