none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
