I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
