Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
