why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
