I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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