i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
