You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
