my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
