Jerry, you need to find god
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
