nut hugger
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
