I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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