so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
