i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
