Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
