the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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