I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
