ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
