It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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