I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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