I think I just saw someone hide a body.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
