She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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