I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
