I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
