Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
