he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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