By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
