I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
