I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
