apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
